Lookng Back

Looking Back
by Dennis Browne

I have a choice
On the path I walk
The sites I see
The people I love
The people I hug

Externally
Choices are controllable
Just stay left
Or right
On the road that keeps me healthy
And engaged

Internally
Another universe
Spinning around like a top
My thought and emotions
Are stirred
Stirred Up
At the speed of anger
At the swiftness of regret
Guilt surfaces
Bobbing in front of me
Like those floats
Sitting atop the crab pots of Saratoga Passage

For the longest time
I would swim in this quagmire
The pond scum of my past
Looking back was looking through this murky water
Always a smell
Sour smell
Hovering about each thought
Of my past

Help
Can't I look back
And at least be a sightseer
And not a participant
Maybe so
Please help me

Around the corner
Came Big Bear Gere
Brian his first name
Bear his physical presence
"Hold my hand", he would say
"And we will walk the trail back in time …
… together"

Through that journey
I walked
Ran
Hid
Cried
Screamed
Laughed

I Survived

Survived Looking Back

And when the water cleared
The odor that stung my nostrils
Dissipated

I saw Roses
Fields of Gold
A vista of my life years back
That I could see
Without my heartbeat skyrocketing

I had survived
And that is a story to tell

About Looking Back